Cuffing Season: Unfiltered

 

In New England, cuffing season is about to be over! I’ve fallen into this trap in past years, maybe without being fully aware as to what was going on. So I need to voice that guys, I get it. Girls, just take your blinders off, so you don’t get caught up!

New to cuffing season? As defined on UrbanDictionary, “Cuffing season” is:

“During the Fall and Winter months, people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be "Cuffed" or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.”

Let’s be clear – we all have a fundamental need for human affection, physical stimulation, etc. We all get lonely, yes. What is wrong here is the cycle and behaviors that contribute to this phenomenon.

Timeline:

Non-cuffing season (May-August)

As shown in the Huffington Post image above, we can roughly say that in the warmer months of May-August, there is less of an urge to want to stay in cuddle up with someone on a cold night. Why? Because the weather is beautiful, we are enjoying summer parties, events, patio bars, outdoor concerts, BBQ’s, exercise outside, clothes without heavy jackets, bikinis, and the list goes on. 

Well doesn’t that just sound fun? Yes! It is – the summer high is real, especially living in Boston. We get a few months of those outdoor patios and its back to our caves!

cuffing season couple.jpg

Generally speaking, many people do not want to be “tied down” in summer. Ghosting is high (that is whole other blog itself). I experienced this last summer and oh does it change once it starts to get cold. They start apologizing that they were “so busy”…. Sure you were. Not to reply to a text? Blow off plans? Guys, come on...Maybe in 2018 you will read this blog and realize it’s better, to be honest, and communicate, have good intentions, be respectful to women, and not be a f*ckboy. But probably not.

Cuffing outreach (Sept.-Nov.)

Cuffing season phone.jpg

This is when guys might start the beginning of their cuff outreach. You’ll begin to notice periodic texts, just trying to get your attention again. They’re just trying to make sure they have a Rolodex of women in line to increases their chances of some winter loving. Beware!

They will also avoid holidays at all costs. So don’t be surprised when they go MIA around Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and Valentine’s Day. They’re not trying to be your boo or have that relationship talk about “what are we.”

Cuffing season is here (Dec.-April)

Now it’s cold, snowy, and you are not frolicking around the city because it is just so miserable to be outside. We are in prime Netflix and chill mode, craving the feeling of cuddling up in a blanket. Now, this can be enjoyed solo; I’m quite used to this. BUT – how sweet is it to have another body wrapped up next to you? I honestly fight myself to not fall into this trap. When you’re next to someone it’s so cozy, you have no agenda (okay, maybe) and you’re not missing out on anything in the outside world because it’s COLD out there.

Cuffing Season

Your summer boys who missed the outreach period in the fall, probably because they were getting all they could in the last of their days, will come back around these months. You may see sporadic texts asking what you’re doing, wishing you a good morning or other small talk bait. Like they haven’t blown you off the whole summer unless it worked on their terms.

Though sometimes relationships will brew during this. I root for you and the men with good intentions. I know cuffing season doesn’t represent the intentions of all – I just have more case studies than I’d like to in this area.

Cuffing season trap

5 ways to avoid the trap:

1. Do not fall for the cuffing outreach.
He doesn’t suddenly care; it’s seasonal.
2. Spend your time with friends, family, co-workers, anyone!
You will feel less lonely.
3. Do not fall into the trap of late night drunk texts!
That’s what he’s hoping you’ll do and why he’s trying to still stay relevant with his “wyd,” “good morning,” “how are you” texts.
4. Explore, try new things!
Try new restaurants, cook new recipes, explore new places, pick up a new hobby, read new books, learn a new language, watch documentaries/TV series, exercise, execute on a new idea or company, volunteer, get involved in a sport, etc. Anything can bring you joy and not feel so alone.
5. Have a friend keep you accountable.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been SO close to falling into the trap and my girl gave me a reality check. This will remind you to not act on your emotional impulses.

It’s okay not to be cuffed!

You don’t need to find someone just because you’re vulnerable and feel the need for affection. You don’t need a significant other or friends with benefit to fulfill you.

I’ve spent many years learning this the hard way. It’s just a lot of trial and error to find out what works for you, what makes you happy. But do NOT associate your happiness with another person. It’s in your hands and why I mentioned you should try new things, find out what you like on your own. This will be extremely valuable for the day you do end up meeting your significant other. You’ll know what makes you happy and be in a more stable place that they can add to your happiness, but not be the only thing.

Do what feels right for you. I’ve spent the better part of 2 years single, the majority of days by myself. Yes, I’ve met people along the way, but I started to realize how I want to feel. I’d much rather spend a cozy night alone, than be just another “hey you stranger” of the night. We all have our pitfalls but don’t make it a habit. Find what makes your fulfilled and be mindful of cuffing season. All outreach is not genuine, though I’m sure some of it is. Cheers to the guys who have real intentions of being a good man. We appreciate you and are bringing light to those who do not!

*Disclaimer: Women can cuff too, just writing this from my firsthand experiences.